Friday, April 11, 2008

I am as HERE as I want to be.

I am trying to be more in the moment with my life. My kids aren't going to stay this age forever, but I WILL always have bills to pay no matter how little or much we make.

My kids aren't going to want to play house when they're 15, but I will ALWAYS have dishes to clean.

My kids aren't going to be so willing to tell me EVERYTHING in their life, but I will alway have a phone call I need to make.

There are too many things I'm missing out on because I'm always worried about what's on the list for the day. Or that I didn't pay a bill. I know I can't just forget all that stuff, but I shouldn't dwell on it. It's not productive. Either go and pay the bill right away, so I can spend that time with my kids, or write it down and work on it when they are asleep. Or just simply say no. I can't do this with everything, but I can do it with so much more than I do now. I always have thoughts rambling through my head. This said, those thoughts are taking me away from all those little expressions Ase makes while eating lunch. Or when the kids play with a flashlight in the dark of the bathroom. It seems I would rather be inside my head, planning on how to make things better. If I would just stop and look at what I have in front of me, I'd realize.

It can't get much better.

Move or no move. Job or no job. This is my family and I don't want to miss out on these beautiful blessings I have been given. I am finding that the GREATEST reward to being a stay at home mom is that I'm able to see all these little moments. These are my "paydays". I would be a lot richer if I didn't pass them all up with unconscious thought.

"I don't need more attention. I don't EVER want to make something into another way of saying 'here I am'. Because I am as here as I want to be."

Time to let things be, and enjoy.

Because I am here.


Becki said...

I love your blog Dia. In fact I think I'll keep this comment short and go play with my kids! Love you!

nicole said...

I love this post! Your thoughts are so well written and I can relate to them. Thanks. *nicole