Funny thing how christmas can create such a roller coaster for your emotions. An hour ago I was happily waiting for one more week to pass until we head out to be with all our family. Now.... well. I'm not so ready. Here a few reasons I'm thrown off at the moment.
All picture attempts for the Christmas card are really not working out. So I am debating not sending anything out really. There's a big 'ol bahumbug. I can't just let it go and do a regular card this year can I? NO. Note the example above. That would be Ase actuall sitting, but do you think she'll look at the camera unless you are doing a full dance and song? Which I would like to add is impossible when trying to take the picture too. Nutmeg IS "looking at the camera". This would be her. She likes to pose. We work with what we can! Then there's Bug back there. That painful smile is his "camera smile". Has it every time. Usually he atleast looks at the camera for you. No such luck here. And you'd think there was something over there to look at. Again, no. I guess it's just where I wasn't!
Hubbs is going to have to fly us out there, leave for Chicago for 4-5 days, then come back there. He may have to do that twice. Yup. That creates happy feelings. His company is taking such advantage of him, and there is absolutley nothing he can do about it except quit. Trust me, we're working on that.
The other sore spot is again not going to get anything for Christmas from Hubbs. I understand how buys he is, really. And I know it's not about the present. I don't really care what he does, as long as it involves some serious thought. Not a last minute trip to Walmart Christmas eve in desperation. Two years ago he filled my stocking with gum (yes, the kind at the checkout counter) and breath mints. It's a good think I don't assume too much from these gifts, because that really could have created a good fight! Last year I filled my own. This year, I don't want to. So I'll go empty. Actually I bought myself a watch that I really need, since the kids will think that's odd if there's nothing. So there you go. I grew up with a dad that was very practical and didn't like to just spend a lot of money. But when it came time to my mom, he really went for it. I don't remeber the things he got her, I just remember thinking how much it showed that he loved her. It was not how he usually spent, but for this special occassion, he always did. That and her birthday. So I guess I have this childhood memory/feeling in which I would like to recreat, but using myself and Hubb. It's not working so far. If only I could play him the tape in my head, maybe he'd get it.
I was okay with each of these individually, but now that there's three, I don't know anymore. I just want to go sit on the couch and do nothing until one of them disappears. I don't think it will work!
Oh, and in decluttering. The first step is working with M in getting our relationship better and not having all the power struggles and negative emotions we do. I have read up and am now armed for battle! This is going to be my first step and something which is already underway. So far it is better. Once I get back from our trip on start on another area. This time it will actually be a room!