Today was a scrub the the tub kind of day. Which is good... it really needed it! But while Ase was playing in one of the clean tubs, and I was scrubbing another, I had a peaceful moment to think. And it reminded me of something which can relate to me again, at this current point in my life. A long time ago I used to scrap book. Then I got busy. So I just kept collecting more stuff to scrapbook with, but never actually doing it. I would mark pages and pages of scrapbook magazine for ideas. I kept reorganizing supplies thinking that would get me going. But it didn't. Never did. Once I made the transition to digital cameras (years ago) I could never get past the pictures. I was too stressed on picking the right picture, how big to print it, how many per page, etc. It's really not that big of a deal.. but I was completely stuck. Finally one year I'd had enough. I didn't want to be weighed down by this guilt anymore. The guilt of NOT scrapbooking. I wasn't something just for fun anymore. I now
needed to because I'd invested all this money and space to this hobby. I'd convinced Matt I needed a table just to work on it, or another storage system for the supplies. I was so far behind it was going to be impossible to catch up and scrapbook in a way that I would like. And if nothing else, when it came to scrap booking, I liked it, but didn't love it. As said, it stressed me out. I'm a perfectionist. So what did I do?
I sold it.
ALL OF IT.
Storage systems, paper, cutting tools, everything. I knew if I didn't commit... I'd start collecting stuff again. I needed this gone. Lucky for me we had a garage sale coming, and the scrapbook stuff? First things gone. Two people came and wiped it all out. That should have been a sign right there that this was all for something more. All I knew at the time was that I felt so much better. This weight really had been lifted. And not just that but I had more room in my house too! And you know what I did? I really started trying to take pictures. It wasn't a consciouse discision, but something that just came out. It wasn't until over a year later that I was able to look back and see how it all fit together.
Once I let go of something I really didn't need, I was able to let something much better (for me atleast) in. As soon as that scrapbook stuff was gone, I actually started trying to learn my camera. I started taking more and more pictures. I even started slowly taking some for others. Hind-sight I can see the photographer inside of me trying to find a way out... but I never listened! I was always drawn to photos. I have collected frames unknowingly for years (just take a peak in my closet!), all those scrapbook magazines I'd bookmarked? All with PICTURE ideas. It had nothing to do with the scrapbook layout. :) Ever since Bug was born I was always setting him up in funny little displayes, trying to get something greater than I could create. Looking back, it was always there.. I was just too busy listening to a nagging, tired voice instead.
Don't get me wrong though. I truely am grateful for my scrapbooking stint. Without it I wouldn't have constantly looked through pages of photos I wanted to create. I wouldn't of had something to occupy me until I was ready. But I am grateful. Grateful I did let go when the time came. That I didn't hold onto something longer than for the time I needed it.
So here's to letting go, and welcoming in the new. Whatever it may be!
