Wednesday, January 23, 2008

the Guilt ridden Traitor!

Matt has been out of town now for a couple of days. Nothing new. In fact, it's pretty much the regular. As long as we've been married he has always had a job that's required a lot of travel. Bug was born into it, Nutmeg was born into it, and now Ase has known nothing but this. However, without fail, everynight they will ask for their dad to tuck them in. Especially Nutmeg, who is a full blown daddy's girl. Then something very sad happened. The last two days, not once did they ask for Dad, or when he was coming home. They didn't ask for him to tuck them in, or to call him on the phone. They didn't ask. This would be the first time in the last 5 years no one has called out his name. Then last night as I tucked Nutmeg into bed, she gave me a big hug and said, "Mommy, your my favorite and I love you more than anyone". I should have been jumping up and down. I should have been elated with this news, if you remember how hard I've been working at building our relationship. But I couldn't. I just felt horrible. Like I took something away from Matt. They had something very special, and I feel I walked in, took it away, while Matt was blind folded with his hands tied behind his back. I don't think Ill mention any of this to him, and he'll never have to know it happened. This is between you and me. I will say though, it does feel good to actually hear the words "I love you".

1 comment:

Becki Kanigan said...

Umm, hello? How long have you had this? Your so beautiful! I like reading your writing too. :) can I add your link to my blog, or do you want to keep this private? Love you!